Err, yesterday was Easter?/Rain on me...

I'm a day late and a buck short with any type of Easter greetings.  It didn't feel much like the holiday to me anyways.  It's so casual to me in comparison to how I used to celebrate it when I was little.  Back then, you had to get the official easter outfit, down to the shoes and stockings, and get a pretty hairdo to top it all off.  Then there was some type of Easter party or egg hunt the my Mom's side of the family put on so that all of us little cousins could get to know each other.  And after all that running around and candy eating, my parents and I would go see my Granny (my Daddy's Mama) and have dinner and see the other side of the family after they left church.  So all day long, its just nonstop family visiting, all day long. 

The family visiting remains the same, but all that egg hunt and kiddie party nostalgia has gone.  Replace the candy with barbecue, soda, pasta salad, and cake,  and the constant eating/snacking also remains.  I felt kinda guilty for constantly eating and snacking all day.  Since its spring now, I should be out walking more anyways.  As I digress, I spent my afternoon at my Aunt's house yesterday, spending time with the family.  It's been  quite a trying week because my great cousin Nashia, who was only 3 months old that I never got to hold, passed away.  My Mom has been hurt by it greatly, cuz she got to hold her once, and my Mom absolutely adores kids.  I was kinda bummed to see her dad, my cousin yesterday; I don't get to see him that often anyways.  Its just a trying time for the entire family. 

Her funeral is tomorrow morning. With this being the day before, its just gonna be a rough day.  As soon as I found out the arrangements, I requested the day off.  I had all this fear that my "boss" was gonna be all in my business about why I was talking the whole day off for a funeral.  I'm hypersensitive to this job right now, and I'm still in search of something else that I can tolerate a lot more.

And through all of this though, it doesn't help that its raining outside.  Tuesday's weather is supposed to be much better, with sunshine.  It would be fitting, considering the circumstances that are becoming closer by the moment.

 

 

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Do you feel lucky punk?

...well do you?
Happy St. Patrick's to all the party people out there.

Family Love

Today has been a pretty standard work day so far, going through the usual routine that I can't stand. I'm not a routine kinda gal, so anything that's a break from it makes the day better. During lunch I got that break that I was hoping for. While sitting in Arby's eating and reading a resume book I purchased earlier this week when my cuz Dwight popped outta nowhere and sat down with me at the table. We talked for a few minutes, just catching up to what each other has been doing since the last time. I'm quite proud of my cuz, he's staying out of trouble, working (and recently had a promotion!), and he's been in his current relationship for about a year. Most importantly he's staying out of trouble, unlike our other first cousin.

He told me about our other cousin, who continuously gets in trouble with the law, and now he's on the most wanted list--again. The last time I saw his face on the news and on the internet, all I could do was shake my head as I began to feel like I was going to cry. Although this is the life that my cousin chose for himself, doesn't mean it's right. He has kids that he needs to take care of, and be an example to. It breaks my heart, knowing that the three of us grew up together, since the three of us went to our Granny's house every weekend, holiday, and just because. As a child, I wouldn't have imagined the drastic differences between us three; it wouldn't have crossed my mind.

I've had plenty of times where I couldn't stand my family, on both my Mom and Dad's sides. Some of the actions that some do made me ashamed to be related to them by blood, and the ongoing, and sometimes unecessary drama made me wanna ask for a new family.

With that being besides the point and off topic, I do want to state that I do love my family, but like anything that you truly care about, you go through a lot of pain. It's just a part of the bargain deal.

*I've decided not to link to my cousin's newstory, just out of love and concern. My intentions aren't to flaunt his bad ways, but hope that he can deviate from any more negative actions. That's my true hope. Time will tell if he decides to do right by his kids, and for respect of his own life. *

I need a day off!

Its either because I'm sick of a normal routine, or I'm lazy (probably a combination of both), but I want a day off! Working 40 hours is fine, but when it's confined into the same block of hours every week, for who knows how long, can be irritating. I miss being at home at various times. I miss being able to call my friends, and to have them call me with the option to talk to them, and not because I'm at work.

Right now, I'm working a long term temp job for the time being. With it being indefinate, it worries me a bit, because its difficult to plan for anything else, like a permanent full time job with benefits. Or optioning to go back to school to obtain a few more credentials. As hard as it is to get a permanent position, that doesn't seem like a bad option. Then again, I could have taken the option to earn a certificate in something from UC and stayed a few extra quarters. It never fails, when I get into one routine, I'm ready for another. Actually routines aren't for me, I enjoy variety. Variety in tasks, variety in schedule, variety in free time. Just to have everything just set in stone is so uncomfortable. Options are me. I like options. Options options options dammit!

I haven't felt this pitiful since I last co-oped before dropping out of the program. Then also, I was working at an architectural firm back in 2002-03. All I really spend my 8 hours doing is editing specifications, answering the phone, and check the fax machine. Ooh, the excitement!
And speaking of that excitement, I must finish that excitement before my exciting day ceases at five, which is only 35 minutes away.

Shamekko

This entry was created using the blogger email function.

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Just testing this new feature out, where you can email a entry to your blog.
Oh yeah, by the way, today's date is 03.04.05 for anyone that noticed. I did, because I'm bored at work. Only boredom can make a person think of useless facts like that.

Cupid Sucks.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovebirds out there. I'm just being my old (bitter) self on this day. Well, at least Moms gave me a whole bunch a candy, a bear and a card as a sweet gesture. Its more of a holiday (if it can be called that; if its not a day off work when the banks are closed, then its not a holiday to me) for couples.

Tada! The official graduation photo!

Since the holidays are over, its time for a new picture, that doesn't involve closeups of big blue bows. This is until I think of a new banner for the top of the page. I finally realized that it would take a long time to actually do my own layout...a template wouldn't hurt.

Happy Birthday Mama

In celebration of my Mom's 50th birthday (Wow!), I wrote her a poem. I've been in a monetary bind since I've finished school, like any new graduate, I presume. Entering the work force full, even half time is difficult. Its not stopping my search.

A few hours prior to her party on Saturday night, I locked myself in the bathroom to write this, as a way to explain what I couldn't tell her face-to-face about how I've been feeling lately. The stress of sudden unemployment and hopes of taking care of the house have begun to break my spirts, and I've kept to myself more as a need of personal distance while sorting out all of these issues.

I've always been the type to keep emotions to myself when I don't feel comfortable expressing them; in result, has put a strain on the relationship between us at times. We still love each other through all of our episodes of bickering, arguing, and silent treatments. To be honest, she's all I got.

Posted below is the poem I gave to her. This is a rare moment, for me, and this journal since this is the first time that I've posted any of my poetry in such an open forum such as this (so be nice and don't steal it, okay).

I have nothing 2 give

It’s such a special birthday for you
And I’ve been feeling kinda down
Knowing I can’t give you much
Has left me feeling quite pitiful

My current situation
Is one that I hadn’t hoped of
Has made me feel so powerless,
so weak,
so vulnerable
Like I’m being watched under a microscope

I feel so ashamed Mama
Cuz I have nothing 2 give

I had such high hopes for the future
To the point I had it planned
Down to how I was gonna help you out
The same way that Daddy has

An interruption wasn’t in the plans…

I apologize for being distant lately
Hate 2 say it – the real world stress is new 2 me
I’m trying 2 find a way to deal
And in the process I pushed you away
I was being selfish to how you feel

And it makes me upset
That I have nothing 2 give to you
Except my current burdens

I’m so ashamed that I have nothing 2 give
But my love, concern & affection
When you feel vulnerable I can be your protection
You & Dad took the years 2 guide me in the right direction
Now I can show you both the worth of your selection…

SNE 1/29/05

I'm an INFJ...what are you?

I just got finished taking this Myers Briggs Test (Justin, thanks for the link) the one that classifies you as an extrovert and such, and I'm an INFJ. That's short for Introvert-Intuitive-Feeling-Judging. Here's what its supposed to mean in plain English.

The Birthday Rundown

January is straight ridiculous with all of these birthdays between of friends and family. Here's the list:

6 - Keshia (great cousin)
13 - Nashia (great cousin)
22 - Justin (friend)
23 - Rob & Roscoe (twin friends)
27 - Eric (my brother...nuff said)
28 - Alice (great aunt)
31 - Mom (the lovely lady that puts up with me), Brandon (friend), & Raphael (friend)

This is the result of having a big family and quite a few close friends. January (like July) is a hot month for birthdays! Actually there should be two more people on the list, but I choose not to speak to either one of them anymore (one's an ex-bf, the other an ex-friend; damn those exes!), but with all of the birthdays that I have to remember, can't avoid forgetting theirs. A bittersweet memory amongst the happiness. Anyway, Happy Birthday to everyone! Even the ex folks, I'll be nice this time...

Lets get a few things out of the way...

Everyone knows how procrastinators can be...sometimes I belive that I am the queen of procrasination, even after graduation.
Merry Christmas! Happy B-day Cass! Happy New Year!

Since the oh-so-wonderful graduation day which honestly felt like a blur, here's what I've done (in a nutshell and random order):

-finished up my tenure as a student assistant at the DAAP Library on 12/30 They were a nice group of people to work with; very laid back and easy going like my gig at the Admin office which I am still missing right about now. :(

-dumped my short-term (5 weeks) boyfriend (please note: this was the first time that I ever dumped anyone...ever). Found out he had a child and he really wasn't trying to make our situation better by not calling me like he used to. I thought communication was key...maybe it was long ago when concepts like that existed. Something told me not to get "serious" with him and to be "nice" and get him a phone on my credit. Yep, that's my confession. Well, the account is in my name again and its currently suspended so I can take it over later meaning he has a phone with no service. And to think he had the audacity to call me yesterday and ask about what I did about the account and claimed I was salty that I got played?! Well, he's the one lacking a gf and happens to have a phone with no service. I wasn't about to be a backburner girl and get my credit messed up at the same time! When we were together, we agreed that he would keep up on the bill; somehow he thought that carried over to the post-breakup stage too. I'm glad that I left that fool in 04!

-enjoyed a New Year's hotel party thrown by a good friend of mines I came with two friends(a girl and a guy...they're in a long term thing) and stayed to kick it with my guy pal cuz my alky butt drank too much orange flavored gin and needed to sleep it off. I was aftraid to get into my friend's car with the possibility that I coulda puked. So kicking it with my buddy and some of his other friends in a nice hotel overnight didn't seem like a bad idea, and it wasn't. Especially when I woke up without a hangover. Too bad I can't say the same for my buddy; he was 'cracked' as he always says. Didn't make it home until 2pm, and with the house to myself all day made it that much sweeter. My Mom was over my Great Aunt's house again until late that night; actually she was gone the whole weekend! She did more partying than I did that weekend! :)

-had a good Christmas night and 26th (which would have marked my parent's 24th wedding anniversary if pops was here...*sigh*) over my great Aunt's house. It ended up being a slumber party of sorts, while my never ending quest of getting to the club went belly up. I found out that the nightclub closest to my house was open until 5am (most clubs in the stank Nati shut down at 2:30am) with it being Christmas night, and falling on a Friday night that made it even more tempting to go. After a few random phone calls to a few friends and one of my cousins, I just ended up relaxing and watched a few movies until I fell asleep.

-had the oportunity to actually do some post-collegiate interviewing inbetween the holidays...with no positive responses yet. I interviewed twice with the PLCH for two part-time positions downtown, but wasn't selected for either one. At least my application and resume stays on file for 6th months in the HR department. I guess that's a consolation prize. I also interviewed with Convergys in their corporate sector. As much as I want to be anti-corporate; its hard to avoid it at least once during the job search. Haven't heard back from them as of yet; the last I heard is that they're creating a new posion for the lady that's being promoted (and who's spot I hope to fill). in the meantime, I've been trying to find a job to keep the bills paid, with no success. My Mama said not to worry about it so much, and when someone does call me, that they'll all will call. I'm just waiting for that day to come.

-enjoying all this time relaxing after college. Most of the December days after graduation, with the exception of a few freakishly warm days near the end of the month, were obviously cold. Since I didn't schedule myself for many hours at the DAAP Library I spent my time watching more television, job hunting online, talking on the phone to friends, and working on my crocheted scarves. I just got finished with a navy blue and tan one I call my "ugly scarf" since it's big, warm and kinda ugly. At least it matches my fleece hat I bought from Old Navy. :) I thought about making more of them and actually selling a few. But I have to see if there is a need for them. Hey, its cold, and they keep you warm, plus they're handmade! Also, while figuring up color schemes for the next couple of scarves, I've been reading as well. I bought Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe prior to Christmas, but didn't begin reading it until the new year. Before that I read Sula by Toni Morrison after having it collect dust on my bookshelf. Sula was a good read, and so farThings Fall Apart is also;I feel good reading it after its been on my "books to read for fun" list for some years. I've been in the house more since I've been unemployed for the past few weeks to save a few bucks for groceries and necessities. I couldn't resist going out this past Saturday to Wally World to spend a few bucks on some more yarn to complete the "ugly scarf" and to pick out another book to read and a cheap vhs to watch. Just having free time in general is a strange animal to me, but in most cases have allowed me to get more hours of sleep per day, even through constant napping. Just yesterday alone, I took 2-3 naps. Actually I was wating for my guy pal to get back home so I could go and visit him. He never did call back yesterday on account of falling asleep.

So much for describing everything "in a nutshell" but that's all I've been up to since graduation.

Snow Update

Now the city is at a level 2 emergency because of the snow that smack the eastern region silly.

Cabin fever and winter boredom...

I had some really great pics of the snow that seemed to have dropped on the city since Wednesday morning, and froze over. For now, you can all enjoy the boredom/cabin fever shots instead of my aunt's christmas gift that I wrapped earlier today.

The city was in a level 3 emergency all day, which basically means if you don't have an emergency to begin with, you shouldn't be out on the roads. They were that bad.

On Wednesday afternoon, while my Mom and I were out shopping for some snacks to last the weekend, we saw three 18-wheelers get stuck in the snow. They had either cut off, or was stuck in the ice and slush. It's intersting to see how a natural cause like a snowstorm can take out a large vehicle like an 18 wheeler. Plus, it kept my mind off of how all the buses were running off schedule. It took my Mom and I an extra 2 hours to get home with all the routes running off schedule.

To back track for a second, the original set of pics got erased from my digital camera - probably from human error. I've been in the house all day today, except for the 30 minutes I spent outside helping my Mom shovel snow. I spent the rest of the day on an extreme lounging bit, enjoyed a few visitors (since everyone stayed at home just about), just watching television and actually doing some housework. With all of this newly found free time on my hands since graduating almost two weeks ago (wow!) I've had time to catch up on leisurely and lazy activities, like watching cable, dvd's, crocheting, and messing around with this camera my Aunt and Uncle gave me as a grad gift. I'm really upset about those snow pics being erased, but I'm pretty sure that the snow will remain until tomorrow.

With this free time inbetween finding a job and just being a homebody I'll actually have time to blog, even if its in photos. I'm done with Christmas shopping, just waiting for the after Christmas sales to begin. Should make a SD memory card for the camera the priority purchase, even if its on Christmas Eve. I'm not much of a fan of cabin fever. I rather be out and about anyways. Sometimes I feel like the Postal Service: through rain, sleet, or snow - I always find somewhere to go...

Okay, I know the boredom has kicked in if I'm rhyming on a blog entry!

A pic of the bow with the flash on, that's why it looks so shiny and plastic.